Culture

We recommend a few cultural items and experiences for your indulgence should you wish to make your Christmas a little sadder.

Film

Bad Santa (2003)

[Spoilers to follow. If you haven’t seen this movie, go watch it. If you find it to be a movie of poor taste, don’t waste any more time on this site.]

You may be thinking, “How is this movie full of delightful vulgarity and brutal slapstick aimed at a dwarf sad?” It’s a funny movie and all, but just let it sit with you for a while and think about what is going to happen after the movie’s merry conclusion. When Willie (Thorton) gets out of the hospital and returns to Herman’s (the little boy) house, do you really think he’s going to find Sue (Graham) waiting for him in the hot tub? Now that she’s landed an awesome house, she’ll get right down to finding a man with a steady stream of income and a functioning liver. Just how joyful will next Christmas be after Willie murder-suicides every other principle character in the movie?

You should also think about John Ritter. He was a really sweet guy and a great actor. And this was the last movie he ever acted in. He was one of the funniest actors of his generation, but when he died at 54 from a heart condition, it was barely a footnote on the news because it was the 2 year anniversary of 9/11. So what chance do you have of anyone paying attention when you die too young from an unpredictable aortic dissection? Just think about that.

Food

Popcorn Shrimp

Popcorn Shrimp! A big greasy bowl of popcorn shrimp! That was Tinsel and Mistletoe’s dinner of choice on the last night of Sad Christmas 2011. What could make more sense than ordering deep-fried seafood at a dog track in West Virginia? And they didn’t use cocktail or tartar sauce like a bunch of fancy-pants condiment show-offs. They used a big bottle of Hunt’s Ketchup.

They both cleaned their plates. Then Mistletoe spent the next 45 minutes in the men’s room by the slot machines.